Toronto Star Tuesdays: Sudden urge to end singledom a November phenomenon

Apologies to my friends and family — you’re not going to be seeing much of me for the next little while. I’m a matchmaker and this is the time of year when I’m swamped.

Most service industries have their high seasons. July and August bring jam-packed patios and daunting lineups at trendy ice cream shops. And January is perpetually peak season for new gym memberships due to the cyclical optimism of New Year’s resolutions.

Similarly, the first of November signals the beginning of dating service season.

It seems counterintuitive, really. Surely spring should signal the start of high mating . . . erm . . . dating season. And yet, summer is a dead zone for professional matchmakers. It’s consistently the autumn and winter months — known to the Urban Dictionary set as “cuffing season” — when singles are feverishly using matchmaking and online dating services to get paired up.

I reached out to pre-eminent biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, author of Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage and Why We Stray to ask her why matchmakers get slammed by client applications every November.

“November and early December is the highest time of year for male testosterone,” Fisher says.Testosterone is the hormone responsible for increasing sex drive and stimulating sperm production in men.

“From a Darwinian perspective, if you have a baby in August, that’s really the height of the fresh fruit and vegetable season,” Dr. Fisher says. “There’s a milder climate and more sunshine, so it’s easier for both the mother and child, in terms of survival. It’s less stressful.”

So if you’re feeling keen on snuggling someone right now, know that it’s more than just the inherent cosiness of sweater season making you feel that way. It’s been beneficial to the survival of our species for millennia that we get to baby-making in the fall.

Read the rest of the article here.

Toronto Star Tuesdays (on a Saturday): 'Turkey Dump' a Holiday Break-Up Tradition

The first week of September, I overheard a conversation between some international students on U of T campus. They had all just met that day and were sharing basic information about themselves, sweetly and tentatively building new friendships.

“My boyfriend still lives in Korea,” offered one of the fresh-faced freshmen. “We know it will be difficult, but we’re going to stay together.”

Oh, honey.

Maintaining a long-distance relationship over four years isn’t impossible. But it is highly implausible, especially when you’re a teenager and are still figuring out who you are.

In my university experience, the students who arrived romantically attached to someone from their hometown were single again after Thanksgiving long weekend. 

Known widely as the “Turkey Dump” or “Dumpsgiving,” it’s the phenomenon of first-year university and college students, immersed in their new academic and social lives, ending things with their high school sweethearts the very next time they see them — usually Thanksgiving weekend. When the end of a relationship is dealt with in unhealthy ways, it can impede student success for a semester — or even threaten the entire school year.

Digital media specialist Adrienne Friesen, 25, is an admitted turkey dumper. When she moved to Toronto for school, she and her high school boyfriend tried to make it work. Unfortunately, the relationship lasted about as long as a slice of pumpkin pie set in front of Uncle Bill.

Read the rest on the Toronto Star's website or on StarTouch.

Introducing Lee-Anne Galloway: Our New Toronto Yenta

Hiya! I’m Lee-Anne. I am super excited to be the new Toronto Yenta of Friend of a Friend.  I am an artist, teacher and certified life coach, on a mission to inspire and empower. I come from a long line of musicians, entrepreneurs and self-help gurus, so it’s no wonder I do all three!  Before becoming a coach, I studied Musical Theatre Performance and traveled the world singing and dancing. I still teach and choreograph, and appear on stage from time to time. I am a firm believer in giving back, and recently volunteered with Future Possibilities for Kids and Bridges to Community. I also donate blood twice a year (seriously people, it save lives!)

Following my BIG break-up, I worked with a coach to find me again, and instantly knew I needed to be one. I got my certification and specialized in dating and breakups. Coaching is awesome because it’s about you. I create a non-judgmental, open space to ask powerful questions, help you get specific and walk your talk, then you choose your own life adventures and experiments (and I hold you to it!) Check me out: www.leeannegalloway.com

As part of my love revolution, I started hosting speed dating events, sharing dating tips and tricks, helping create online profiles and now… matchmaking! It is the most personal way to meet people, and I promise to keep things fun and positive. I love learning about you: what you value most, the deal breakers, and what type of partner you’re looking for.  I am on the case of finding you a stellar date, and I will only send you matches I truly believe you’ll click with (so no sad emojis if it is not right away). Let’s get started, and find you a friend of a friend!

Introducing Claire AH: Our New LGBTQ+ Toronto Yenta

Three years ago, I was in the same place you might be finding yourself. I was contemplating signing up for Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, emboldened by the welcoming, easy-going vibe and excited by the thought of a break from online dating. It can be overwhelming, and it’s a good idea to diversify methods, right?

A lot has happened to lead me to become a matchmaker, but I’d ultimately narrow it down to two intersecting things: I found love (not through Friend of a Friend, but still!) and I’ve become even more devoted to identifying and unlearning norms. Why? Well, I had a few strokes last year and I now walk with a cane. I already identified as a queer fat femme, but throwing disability into the mix has changed my worldview significantly. (Oh, and I had a great experience with Friend of a Friend. Hopefully that goes without saying!)

Matchmaking has not always been particularly LGBTQ+-friendly, and even when it is open to us, it’s pretty normative and limited in scope, which isn’t really useful for anyone. My background is in sexual education/advocacy, but I’m also a lovably cranky intersectional feminist, so a substantial percentage of my time is spent analyzing things and finding ways to be more inclusive, open, and accessible. Applying this focus to matchmaking, I’m taking the personal approach aspect of Friend of a Friend and running with it, undoing much of the pigeonholing associated with dating and encouraging people to explore and determine gender, sexuality, relationship modes, and relevant romantic/sexual interests for themselves.

I’m lucky because I get to be involved in the process! I want to get to know you, to understand fundamentally what you want and need, and to foster openness in the process of meeting new people and finding what you’re looking for. My own experience of finding love would have never happened without a rejection of strict norms, as is almost universally true. As much as matchmaking is about finding people who fit together, my own experience with Friend of a Friend was one of getting to know myself and both expanding and solidifying what I wanted in a partnership. It was instrumental in finding the right match. The best thing I can do as a matchmaker is to encourage flexibility, get you feeling enthusiastic about the prospect of meeting new and different dates, and to seek out that ineffable quality that makes people click.

Don’t get too caught up in the LGBTQ+ label. If you feel like you might benefit from a queer matchmaking experience in some way either for yourself or your prospective matches, the “+” may well be you!

Want to meet with Claire and start your matchmaking adventure? Click here to apply.

Toronto Star Tuesdays: Creative dates can be an exciting change of pace

Coffee is for closers. Coffee is for job interviews. Coffee is not for dates. (At least, not interesting dates.)

It’s time to strike “Let’s meet for a coffee” from the collective dating vernacular. There’s so much to do in this city. That means there’s zero excuse for a lack of imagination when it comes to dates.

Whether it’s your first date, second date, third date or 30th anniversary, doing something more creative than the typical dinner-and-a-movie is always a welcome change of pace. And if it’s still early in your relationship, offering up a creative date idea or two might just help you cement the next outing.

Turn up the heat

If you’re pretty sweet on someone, consider taking a baking class together. It offers a chance to be cheeky and competitive, and you’ll have a sugary work of art to take home and share at the end of the date.

“We get a lot of couples on first dates, anniversary dates and we’ve had a few creative marriage proposals here,” says Lisa Sanguedolce, owner of Le Dolci bakery. Their most popular classes include doughnut making, macaron making, cake decorating and pie baking. “In these classes, guests get to use lots of delicious items like colourful sprinkles, chocolate dips, glazes and fillings that smell wonderful and ignite the senses.”

They also offer something called a “naked cake decorating class,” which is somewhat misleading — only the cake is naked. Everyone doing the baking is fully clothed. Probably for the best.

Read more at the Toronto Star's website or download StarTouch.

Introducing Joanne Davis: Our Hamilton-Burlington Yenta

Hello! I'm Joanne and I'm thrilled to join Friend of a Friend Matchmaking as the new yenta for the Hamilton region. I have a background in journalism and love to sit down and talk to people, listen to their stories, and really understand what makes them stand apart from the crowd. It's those details, those nuances that will help me make good matches. I know that it's fun to scroll through pictures and imagine that the hottest babe will also share your hopes, dreams, and love of travel, cooking, and vintage motorcycles. But sometimes it can be disheartening to discover your would-be dreamboat loves ribs and Family Guy...but you're a Criterion-collecting vegan. That's where I come in! 

Every person who signs up to Friend of a Friend in the Hamilton/Burlington region will meet with me. We'll talk and it will be fun (I swear!), then I'll try my absolute hardest to find you a good match. It might be one date, but maybe you'll make a connection with someone so incredibly wonderful that one date turns into two, then... well, let's take this one step at a time. 

I don't think being in a relationship is the key to happiness, but if you'd like to see what Friend of a Friend can do for you, I'd be honoured to help you meet some new people.

NOW is the Time to Vote!

We need your help, Toronto!

Friend of a Friend Matchmaking is thrilled to be nominated by NOW readers as one of the Best Introduction/Dating Services in Toronto! Please cast your ballot (under Shopping & Services) to help catapult us to glorious, glorious victory! It only takes a minute or two and it could improve dating as we know it in Toronto. (Winning this award = higher visibility = more clients = more potential dates for EVERYBODY!) Voting closes on Friday.

Last year, OKCupid and Tinder won. Toronto deserves better, don't you think? 

PLEASE VOTE HERE NOW PLEASE PLEASE THANK YOU I LOVE YOU OKAY THANK YOU!

Friend of a Friend Matchmaking Expands into Hamilton, LGBTQ Communities

We're here! We're queer! We're Hamilton! We're Burlington! We're taking over!

Here's the press release we issued today. Feel free to share, post, tweet, write about us on your website or blog, talk about us at cocktail parties, send us flowers or bake us cookies.

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Friend of a Friend Matchmaking Expands into Hamilton, LGBTQ Communities

Frustrated singles rejoice! Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, a boutique introductions company founded by relationships writer Sofi Papamarko, is expanding its affordable and personalized services into two growing areas.

While always welcoming LGBTQ+ folks with open arms, Friend of a Friend has now brought on a dedicated LGBTQ+ "yenta" based in the Greater Toronto Area. Claire AH is a sex educator, public speaker and radio host who will be making inroads into Toronto's richly diverse queer community in the months and years to come.

“So many matchmaking services either have historically shut out LGBTQ+ people or have attempted to shoehorn them into heteronormative or even homonormative frameworks,” says Claire. “I'm going to be to learning from people about how they want to access matchmaking instead of defining goals and roles myself. Friend of a Friend has set up this culture of openness, so I'm excited to expand it further.”

Hamilton-Burlington is a vibrant region full of nature, art and singles, making it the ideal second location of Friend of a Friend, headed up by writer Joanne Davis.

"I'm looking forward to meeting the single people of Hamilton and Burlington," Joanne says. "There is so much to discover here. Let me help you find the perfect person to explore these cities with!"

Dating coach Lee-Anne Galloway has been brought on as a new Toronto yenta, bringing to the table years of expertise in the areas of love, dating, marriage and break-ups.

Founder Sofi Papamarko is looking to expand the Friend of a Friend Matchmaking brand into several other major Canadian cities in 2017.

"Dating is harder now than it's ever been before," Sofi says. "Online dating sites and apps like Tinder, Bumble, Grindr and Scruff have long since lost their novelty and appeal. Singles are looking to make real connections with real people who share their interests, values and outlook on life. Human matchmakers are far more capable of making authentic matches than any slick computer algorithm. I predict you're going to see a huge resurgence in traditional matchmaking in the next decade, and Friend of a Friend wants to be at the forefront of the digital-to-analog dating revolution."

Read more about Friend of a Friend Matchmaking at www.friendofafriendmatchmaking.com and get to know our new matchmakers at http://friendofafriendmatchmaking.com/the-matchmakers/

Request an interview by contacting Sofi Papamarko at sexytypewriter (at) gmail.com

Toronto Star Tuesdays: Couples Should Invest in Talking About Money Matters

I ask matchmaking clients personal questions. Sometimes, they’re uncomfortably personal. But there’s one personal question I’ll never ask because it’s none of my business: what’s in their bank account.

This rule has gotten me off the hook more than a few times. Like when a female matchmaking client requests to be matched with a man who pulls in no less than a six-figure salary. Or when a male matchmaking client expresses his discomfort at the mere thought of dating somebody who makes more money than him.

In such cases, I heave a mighty inward sigh and say: “Sorry, I don’t ask clients about their income.”

Money does matter, but personal finances should not be a factor in the search for lifelong companionship. Jobs come and go, careers are often in transition, smart (and/or terrible) financial decisions can sometimes be made. What’s important is how you and your partner handle your finances as a team through life’s inevitable ebbs and flows.

When Amanda Scriver first made the leap from 9-to-5er to freelance writer, her partner Simon Gilbert supported her emotionally and financially (Gilbert has steady work as a café manager).

A somewhat awkward period of adjustment followed.

Read the rest of today's article on the Star's site or download StarTouch.

Here's To New Beginnings

It's been a seriously good summer.  

I traveled to Europe -- specifically London, Paris, the south of France, Amsterdam and Iceland -- and spent the rest of the summer swimming, writing, reading, drinking wine in parks, eating delicious frozen treats and doing friendship.

Professionally, Friend of a Friend Matchmaking had its best summer yet. We celebrated two of our couples' beautiful weddings in July and two more couples got engaged in August.

And now, it's sunset on Labour Day weekend. (Here is a photo snapped by craft artist extraordinaire Kalpna Patel on magical Toronto Island earlier this evening to illustrate this undeniable fact. More blog below the beauty! But take it in!)

Labour Day weekend always feels like the bittersweet end of something, but the day after feels like a new beginning. It's probably because the first day of school in September always felt like the true start of the new year -- so much more than any old January first. I still feel like the beginning of September is the beginning of all of the things.

Since I've been out of school (way longer than I care to admit), I've felt a little left out of the whole bakery fresh back-to-school newness that September brings.

Not this year.

In 2016 (that's this year, pals! That's right now!), Friend of a Friend Matchmaking will be celebrating an exciting new beginning in September. There will be an official announcement this week. Stay tuned to this space.

In the meantime, here is a really big clue (can you figure it out?):

More soon, I promise!

Happy September, gurls and boys!

xoxo,

Yenta Sofi